Redefining Manhood: How to Promote Healthy Masculinity Among Boys

Information last updated: April 2026

Whether they hear “man up,” “toughen up,” or “boys don’t cry,” many boys still receive messages that equate masculinity with emotional restriction, dominance, or silence. For counselors, school counselors, educators, and caregivers, the goal is not to tell boys there is one “right” way to be male. It is to help them build a healthier, more flexible sense of self—one that makes room for empathy, emotional expression, accountability, and respect for others. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), psychologists working with boys and men should consider how masculinity is shaped by culture, family, community, race, age, sexual orientation, gender identity, and life experience, rather than treating masculinity as a single fixed standard. 

Gender norms are the social expectations people absorb about how boys and men are “supposed” to act. Some boys are praised for being independent, competitive, and emotionally controlled, while other qualities—such as tenderness, vulnerability, or asking for help—may be mocked or discouraged. The APA’s guidelines for working with boys and men note that rigid masculine role expectations can affect relational, psychological, and behavioral health outcomes, especially when boys feel pressure to suppress parts of themselves in order to fit in. 

That does not mean traditionally masculine traits are automatically harmful. Confidence, courage, protectiveness, and perseverance can all be strengths. Problems tend to emerge when a narrow definition of manhood becomes a rulebook: be stoic, never ask for help, always be in control, and avoid anything perceived as weak or feminine. A Call to Men describes this kind of socialization as the “Man Box,” where boys are taught that men must be strong, dominant, fearless, successful, and emotionless. Their framework argues that healthier manhood begins when boys are allowed to live more authentically and treat others with dignity and respect.

What Are the Mental and Emotional Costs of Rigid Masculinity?

Mental health challenges do not affect only one gender, but some patterns are especially important when working with boys and men. The National Institute of Mental Health notes that men are less likely than women to have received mental health treatment in the past year, even though mental disorders affect men and women alike. NIMH also points readers to CDC data showing that men are more likely to die by suicide than women. 

For boys, emotional restriction can show up in ways adults do not always read as distress. A boy who has learned that sadness is unacceptable may express pain through irritability, conflict, withdrawal, risk-taking, or numbness instead of saying he feels overwhelmed. That is one reason counselors and school counselors need to look beyond stereotypes about what emotional struggle “should” look like. The APA guidelines emphasize gender- and culture-sensitive practice, including attention to the barriers that can keep boys and men from seeking help in the first place.

Current research on boys and men also reinforces the importance of supportive environments. According to the American Psychological Association, decades of research show that rigid traditional masculinity norms can undermine boys’ and men’s psychological well-being, especially when they reward emotional suppression and extreme self-reliance. Supportive relationships and environments can help counter those pressures by making more flexible, healthy models of masculinity possible.

There is no single official clinical definition of “healthy masculinity,” but the American Psychological Association’s Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Boys and Men provide a strong research-based framework for thinking about it. The guidelines note that rigid traditional masculinity norms, such as emotional stoicism, dominance, aggression, and extreme self-reliance, can become harmful when they discourage vulnerability, help-seeking, and close relationships. In that context, a healthier model of masculinity is more flexible and humane: it makes room for emotional expression, accountability, respect for others, nonviolent conflict resolution, and supportive relationships, without forcing boys and men into a narrow script for what masculinity must look like.

Counselors can help boys examine gender expectations in ways that are developmentally appropriate, culturally responsive, and grounded in practice. The APA guidelines encourage professionals to understand how masculinity is shaped by socialization, culture, and identity, rather than treating boys’ struggles as simple resistance or unwillingness to talk. ACA has similarly emphasized the importance of a flexible, intersectional understanding of masculinity in counseling work with boys and men.

In schools, that support should go beyond one-on-one conversations. The ASCA National Model and ASCA Student Standards frame school counseling as developmental and preventive, with attention to students’ academic, career, and social/emotional growth. That gives school counselors a concrete framework for helping boys build self-awareness, relationship skills, healthy coping strategies, and nonviolent ways of handling conflict.

In practice, that may mean normalizing emotional language, framing help-seeking as a strength, challenging harmful beliefs without shaming the student, and recognizing how race, culture, sexuality, family expectations, and community context shape a boy’s experience. For some boys, trust has to come first, so conversations may begin with goals, stress, friendships, or family roles before moving into deeper emotional work. 

Boys learn about masculinity from far more than counseling sessions. They also learn from parents, caregivers, teachers, coaches, and mentors. The American Psychological Association encourages adults to help boys develop more flexible, healthy understandings of masculinity, while ACA and ASCA emphasize emotional development, relationship skills, and respectful behavior as part of healthy growth. In practice, adults can model care, patience, accountability, and self-control; avoid shaming boys for vulnerability; intervene when bullying or disrespect is normalized; and encourage friendships, help-seeking, and healthy conflict resolution.

If you’re interested in pursuing a career in school counseling, read more about how to become a school counselor and visit our list of Master’s in School Counseling online programs to find the right school for you. 

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